Trauma Turned to Trust

For some of you, you’ve already heard of what happened this week.  But we wanted to share with you, our friends of the favor and faithfulness of our God.  As you may have heard, Monday evening, Declan fell after climbing to the back of our couch to “walk” across the back of it, like a jungle gym.  (Yes, we’ve told him many times not to. )  But alas, this time it happened,  he fell.  Straight on the back of his head.  We have concrete under wood flooring.  We rushed him to NCH North where he received a Cat Scan. To our shock, it showed a fracture and bleed on his brain.  They immediately put in for him to be med-flighted to Joe DiMaggio Children’s Hospital in Hollywood, FL. where he would have pediatric neuro surgeons to evaluate him.  He was in excruciating pain but eventually slept prior to the flight.  The helicopter arrived close to 11:30pm.  To see these medics come into his room in a very serious manner not wasting anytime placing him on their stretcher was overwhelming.  Joe had already left to head over to the hospital as we were told one of us could fly with him.  As scared as I was to be on that thing in the air, I couldn’t imagine him being alone. I had to overcome my fear.  But then the medic informed us that I would  not be able to ride due to this being a different type of aircraft coming from the keys loaded with equipment.  He would go alone.  Without either of us. 

As we stood on the helipad tarmac seeing his tiny sleeping body tightly strapped in a gurney waiting to be placed on the helicopter before us,  I wept at the thought of him waking up having no idea where he was and where we were.  Oh my heart was screaming!  But there was no place for me.  I was insufficient.  I could only resign myself to surrender. Surrender my trust to the One who truly deserves it.  To His truth,  that He would be with Declan as he flew away into the darkness alone.  There was nothing in my power I could do. But there was nothing that God couldn’t do.  Declan was not alone. My God was with Him.  Watching him lift off, the immense sound of that huge aircraft, the force of wind pushing us back, seeing it slowly disappear into the night, was no less than horrific to my  Mama’s heart.  I was desperate for God to indeed keep His promises.  “I will never leave You, I will never leave Declan, nor forsake Him”.   And He did not. 

Joe & Wyatt came back for me. My parents followed.  As we drove, let’s just say “quickly” the 1 ½ hours drive to catch up to him,  I was emotional exhausted.  Finally, the hospital called us once they landed and we were able to hear Declan’s voice on the phone.  He DID wake up.  Right away as the props wound up.  And he was awake the whole time!  We asked, “Were you scared? Was it ok?”  He said, “It was ok...Loud...I just saw black outside the windows, but not scared.”  His voice sounded as though they sedated him. Calm, slow, sleepy but definitely not scared.  No weeping, wailing, and no sedating was needed. He remained still throughout the flight. Our little boy was still.  Only God’s power and presence could be able to give calm to our very strong and expressive little boy.  Only the Peace Giver.  My heart was overwhelmed that the worst fear of not being the one to hold him, protect him was extinguished, yes that firey arrow of the enemy had no power over that moment, over my child’s heart.  I had to admit, I was humbled to my place before the Almighty God.  Declan’s ultimate and perfect Father.     

He was lethargic for the next couple of days with vomiting and an extreme headache from concussion.  They did a “Fast MRI”  which showed that the bleed did not increase.  This was great news.  The neuro surgery team felt comfortable to let him go home with the fracture and sub dermal hematoma bleed which they stated would dissipate on its own over time and the fracture would heal. We were finally discharged the afternoon of Wednesday.  The trial, the testing was over.  Our God provided. Our God saved. 

We are grateful, for the mercy and favor of our God.  For the “best case scenario” for Declan.  For the beautiful team of doctors, nurses and techs who cared for him throughout this time.  And for the many many many prayers lifted up through it all. 

Life happens.  And yes, with it comes trials. I’m not gonna lie and say “Bring it on, I look forward to it.” But through each experience this short life brings,  I will remember.  I will remember His hand holding my little son when I could not.  I will remember that God’s protection turned him in such a way that the impact could have been even worse, but it wasn’t.  And I will remember the very moment when I could feel that this trial was coming to a close and a new, better,  keen awareness of His presence was found in my heart and mind.  And for that,  I am grateful.  Yes, even for the trial.

We thank each of you who prayed for us and little Declan through this.   We are grateful especially for you.